SHOULD THIS BOOK BE FINISHED?

My book is called “Journal.”


Sanitorium, USSR
Sanatorium. Name and location unknown.

Writing Journal has inflicted upon me a certain pain and anguish of mind and soul. Yes, I wrote it — secretly, furtively — in the sanatorium pictured above. But I forewarn you. Journal is a work of fiction. It is not real. Why don’t you believe me?

Nothing happened except between the twisted wires of my tortured mind. I swear it.

Journal is unfinished. Indeed, it cannot be finished — not without your consent; not without your cooperation. Will you cooperate? Will you allow this book to bubble forth from the sewer of my polluted soul?

May I interview you in the privacy of my basement?

Be advised. I’m not normal. I endured twelve years in the psychiatric hospital pictured above. They used me like a lab rat then released me after the Soviet Union collapsed.

Any reminders of that fiendish hell — even those hiding inside the ephemeral anamnesis of a forgotten oil painting — inject fibrillations of fear into my drug-damaged heart.

The asylum is located somewhere inside the old Soviet Republic. I can’t say exactly where, because they never told me.

But they did do things to me. Unusual things.


starship troopers operation scene
Inside Russian Sanatorium. UPD unclassified photo.

Today I am free and live inside the United States under an identity created for me by the NSA’s Unusual Persons Division. I am grateful of course to the UPD for my new life. In fact, I couldn’t be happier.

HA!

You see, I am a survivor.

I’m alive!

Sigh… Burp…  Oh yes. I’m real.

Free.

Authentic.

Journal is fiction.

Yes, the events I suffered to describe never happened. 

You seem to be a trusting sort; young; innocent. May I confess? May I share a secret? Will you keep it and never tell? It means so much.

You can be the very first one to help me.  I need your love so bad. Surely, someone understands. 

Twelve years in the funny farm… 

Guess what?

I’m still insane!

Billy Lee

THE CHURCH AND THE GAY PEOPLE

During a recent doctor visit I noticed that the Physician Assistant taking my blood pressure wore an Archie Watch, purple wristband, and Batman necklace. “You like cartoons?” I asked. 

“I love comics,” he said, “don’t you?”


archie comic 3


We bantered about comic book characters, then I asked about his wristband. Oh, it’s a ”pride” bracelet, he gushed.

His eyes glittered.

I said, “What are you proud of?” 

He bowed his head. “It’s a gay pride bracelet!” 

He pulled off the blood pressure cuff and stepped back. He twinkled like a playful puppy.


My mind glazed as I remembered the “controversy” at our church. The national denomination had voted to allow women and gays to serve as ministers and marry same-sex couples.

Local leaders threw a fit. They said things like: The Bible says…  We cannot in good conscience… God will judge… remember Sodom and Gomorrah… etc. etc.

They arranged meetings, made phone calls, fired-off texts, e-mails, and scrambled into Chevy Suburbans to meet like-minded others to make plans and discuss strategies.

What were their options? What to try next? How would they shape the congregation to challenge heresy?

At a meeting I suggested that breaking with the denomination seemed like divorce, at least to me. I asked, “What about unity? Doesn’t commitment count for anything?”

It didn’t. Not when commitment countered God’s Word.  

Every question, each objection, all challenges met articulate response. The Pastor and Elders were ready, prepared, determined. They would do God’s Will come Hell or high water. 


The PA turned to go. I blinked my eyes. “Say”, I called after him. “…ask a question? No need to answer.”

He turned. “It’s ok.”

I cleared my throat. “Well… religions…all religions… are conservative about sex, right?” I stammered. “You know… it’s true… Christian churches especially. They don’t believe in sex until married.” I shrugged. “It won’t change anytime soon.”

“Listen!” he interrupted. “I don’t care about religion. I have my beliefs. I’m comfortable. What Christians think, I don’t give a shit.”

“Oh”, I said.

I gathered my thoughts and pushed on. “Well, hear me out, OK? A second of your time, that’s all. I want to ask… really, what can Christians do to make it better for gay people?”  I tried a sweet smile. “What can we do to show love?” 


Kinkade church


“That’s easy,” he said.  “Stop judging.”

His eyes darkened.

“I don’t like it. It makes us feel bad.”

He took a quick breath.

“Marry us. In churches… really.” His eyes settled, then he paused. He raised his hands. “Don’t get me wrong. Right now, I don’t want marriage.” He blushed and looked away. A vein in his neck throbbed.

He showed his teeth. “I have issues with commitment, OK?”

I waited for more, but he stopped. He turned to leave, then paused. He clenched his fists and twirled. Eyes wet, he seemed to cry. Maybe… I wasn’t sure.

“Why can’t anyone marry the ones they love?”  Rising on his toes, he glared, pirouetted, and walked away.

Billy Lee