The title of this post is CAPITALIZED SO YOU CAN HEAR IT!
As many approach their “Golden Years” (we never quite get there, if you know what I mean) some begin to experience the annoyances of aging.
One annoyance is the way folks mumble; who can understand them? To encourage folks to speak more clearly, I have included actual verbal exchanges — recorded over the past months — between Grandma Bevy and me.
I hope readers will take the hint and learn to enunciate!
Grandma Bevy: I think it’s bean soup.
Grandpa Billy: What’s been sued?
Grandma Bevy: Julian’s mom worked at Eyde.
Grandpa Billy: Julian’s mom worked and died?
Grandma Bevy: Oh look, my pill is scored.
Grandpa Billy: I got gored? I don’t think so.
Grandma Bevy: Put your hat in the closet, like a that.
Grandpa Billy: Like a bat?
Grandma Bevy: Like a that.
Grandpa Billy: Like a vat?
Grandma Bevy: Like that!
Grandpa Billy: What?
Grandma Bevy: Do you want one egg or two?
Grandpa Billy: I want new.
Grandma Bevy: I said, one or two. Turn up your hearing aid!
Grandpa Billy: OK. An old one, then.
Grandma Bevy: So, Chuck got the take out and…
Grandpa Billy: Chuck got the tank out?
Grandma Bevy: Take out… take out!
Grandma Bevy: I guess my group won’t be meeting for another two weeks.
Grandpa Billy: You aren’t eating for two weeks? Bev, you don’t have to do that for me.
Grandma Bevy: Now is a good time to take your blood pressure.
Grandpa Billy: Take my butt pressure?
Grandma Bevy: Yes, your blood pressure.
Grandpa Billy: Sounds good.
Grandma Bevy: You can have some turkey later.
Grandpa Billy: I have a turkey flavor?
Grandma Bevy: If you want to.
Grandma Bevy: Our kids are traveling in Europe this summer. We’ll probably be at home.
Grandpa Billy: We’ll be in a home?
Grandma Bevy: You might be.
Grandma Bevy: There are some real egos in that neighborhood.
Grandpa Billy: Eagles? No way.
Grandma Bevy: I said egos. There are some big egos in those big houses.
Grandpa Billy: Maybe some hawks. No eagles.
Grandma Bevy: Oh look! A new dishwasher.
Grandpa Billy: A nude dishwasher?
Grandma Bevy: I texted Doug for his birthday.
Grandpa Billy: You hexed Doug on his birthday? That’s not right.
Grandma Bevy: I have to call Perry’s office to get a refill on my prescription.
Grandpa Billy: Call your parent’s office?
Grandma Bevy: Perry’s office. Perry’s office! Clean your ears!
Grandma Bevy: Am I in your way?
Grandpa Billy: Am Miami way?
Grandma Bevy: No. Am I?
Grandma Bevy: Mary has been placed in hospice care.
Grandpa Billy: Mary hasn’t paid her hospice care? She was always so responsible.
Grandma Bevy: You put the shades down in the bedroom. Afraid someone’s going to see your body?
Grandpa Billy: Seize my coffee? I don’t drink coffee in the bedroom. Never have.
Grandma Bevy: We haven’t seen the neighbors in their hot tub lately.
Grandpa Billy: In their hot dog?
Grandma Bevy: You can put the plates and silverware on the table.
Grandpa Billy: I can put the plastic silverware on the table?
Grandma Bevy: Plates, PLATES!!! (Throws up hands)
Grandma Bevy: I’m going to physical therapy now.
Grandpa Billy: Hysterical therapy?
Grandma Bevy: Oh, for crying out loud.
Grandma Bevy: Guess what? I have a urinary tract infection.
Grandpa Billy: You have a yearning for a track infection? Why, Bev, why?
Grandma Bevy: My sciatic nerve is killing me.
Grandpa Billy: Your psychiatric nerve is bothering you?
Grandma Bevy: You certainly are. (Glares, rolls eyes)
Grandma Bevy: I thought you said you were going to e-mail her.
Grandpa Billy: Female her?
Grandma Bevy: Billll…Y.. !?!
Grandma Bevy: Did you know that tea, coffee, and cocoa contain different stimulants? I’m a nurse, right? I studied dietetics.
Grandpa Billy: Diuretics? Heh! I studied beer-drinking. ‘Course, that was a long time ago — before my prostrate swoll and nearly killed me.
Grandma Bevy: You don’t drink much now.
Grandpa Billy: I think plenty. I’m sharp as a tack.
Grandma Bevy: Don’t hear so good either.
Grandpa Billy: Donneer soggy ether?
Grandma Bevy: Here’s a straw. Finish your soup, dear.
Grandma Bevy: You dropped a glob of jelly on the table cloth.
Grandpa Billy: … on the tuna cloth?
Grandma Bevy: [starts singing to herself]
Billy Lee
