Billy Lee and his entire staff of sycophants go on vacation during June and the first half of July. Click on our VACATION POLICY page-link in the strip of page-links listed at the top of the page below the header pic to learn more.
Billy Lee Junior and his slut-girlfriend, Fannie Jeane, will handle emergencies and approve reader comments until the Pontificator A-team returns. Junior has promised not to publish salacious articles during Billy Lee’s absence, like he did last year. THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Yeah, Junior promised his daddy not to publish “salacious” articles while he’s on vacation. But I found an old essay his daddy wrote that, for some reason, he never published. I was rummaging around in his drawers, when I found the dumb thing.
It didn’t seem right to me. Maybe the old fart forgot he wrote it. He forgets a lot of things these days — like giving me my paycheck last month.
He’s in Mar-a-Lago playing golf with Russian spies; he doesn’t seem to give a damn about me and Junior. He can fix his crummy article when he gets back — if he ever notices that I went ahead and published it without him.
I didn’t bother to tell Junior. The essay is called Renormalization. There’s no way Junior even knows what the word means. He’s never been normal; neither has his daddy.
What’s interesting to me about Christmas is that the man who rescued the world from the soul-destroying power of sin started life as a helpless baby. He slipped into history unnoticed and overlooked, I suppose, but his anonymity didn’t last more than a few hours.
According to the Christmas stories in the Bible, he was visited by both angels and people; Herod, the Roman administrator of the town where he was born, when he couldn’t locate him, gave orders to kill all boys under two, because the stories visitors were telling scared him.
People are afraid of babies. It’s not unusual. Sometimes — from ancient history until now — people kill them; who knows why? Everyone has their reasons.
An ex-girlfriend once called to tell me she was pregnant. At the time, it seemed like the worst news of my life.
Babies are miracles; gifts given in love.
Yesterday, the child she carried — the baby who changed everything in everyone’s lives — won a golf tournament in Florida. He will be celebrating Christmas with us in a few days.
The first time I saw Billy Lee Junior — a few months after he was born — I knew he carried my genes. The love I felt — in a doctor’s office of all places — came close to killing me; my heart pounded almost out of my chest when first I saw his beautiful face; his perfect feet; his tiny toes.
Jesus lived into his thirties before the prejudices and hatreds of his era coalesced to destroy him. He told us why he was born — he came to save the world, not judge it, he said.
He came to bear witness to the truth — that God is love, as the Bible says.
The writers, editors, and staff of theBillyLeePontificator.com are on vacation until July 15, 2016. Please hold all calls. We forgot you already, so don’t bother.
This woman is at work (she’s a swimsuit model); she has nothing to do with Billy Lee or anyone on his staff. She is not on vacation.
Readers may continue to visit and peruse the website free of charge, no questions asked.
Third-shift parking-lot attendant and janitor, Billy Lee JUNIOR, will review and approve all incoming comments and emails during the absence of our top executives.
Click here to read Billy Lee’sofficial vacation policy, which applies equally to all employees — except for Billy Lee JUNIOR, who is considered ”disruptive” and not a ”team player” by every member of the Editorial Board.
JUNIOR holds Pontificator Editorial Board member Ebenezer Hartless by his shirt during wage negotiations last year. JUNIOR demanded $8 per hour, which the Board rejected as outrageous and divisive.
Subscriber Alert:
Two days ago, on June 17,while TheBillyLeePontificator higher-ups (including Billy Lee) spent their yearly six-week sabbatical at the abandoned Trump Casino in New Jersey’s Atlantic City, JUNIOR took full advantage (we can scarcely believe it ourselves) to actually go and vent on FOX NEWS, where he ”exposed” the Pontificator for ”advocating tolerance of all races, religions, orientations, and sexual positions.”
JUNIOR told FOX(falsely) that our website places subversive messages inside purposely overly-long essays to better conceal them.
JUNIOR informed Fox News females (whose short skirts and long legs are supposed to convince morons they have press credentials) that Billy Lee’s essays are long too; too long, actually; and ”really, really boring.”
JUNIOR claimed that it’s not possible for anyone to read Billy Lee’s essays thoroughly; not carefully, anyway; not carefully enough to notice the ”hidden persuaders” he has strewn like so many grenades among the rocks of each essay’s thousands-of-words, which he cleverly rigs to flip anyone who stumble on them into becoming Communists, or worse.
JUNIOR accused Billy Lee of advocating for an amendment to the Second Amendment, which would effectively deny 90% of preschoolers the right to receive as gifts military-style assault rifles at Christmas and birthday parties; Billy Lee, he droned, supports 20 million-dollar limits on annual incomes; he pushes 400 million-dollar caps on the size of private estates; and on and so on.
The Editorial Board does not like to air its dirty laundry in public; not normally. But after this attack on our organization by one of our own, Billy Lee requested that we remind our subscribers that JUNIOR has a complicated history; he sometimes says crazy things he doesn’t mean and makes unreasonable demands that can’t be met — like the time he groveled during a performance-review for a ”fair” wage — $8 per hour — exactly $8 more than he agreed to when first he started working for us, more than two years ago.
Why can’t Billy Lee understand what’s going on? Why can’t he see the obvious? Doesn’t he get how JUNIOR diminishes us; how he undercuts the good work we are all trying to do, together, as one unified team?
How did Billy Lee not notice? — we turned down JUNIOR’S pay raise last year after the dude threatened to commit hari-kari in the parking lot with one of those plastic toothpick swords he always carries in his lunch-pail.
Despite numerous media leaks and vile rumors about JUNIOR spread by disgruntled co-workers, Billy Lee insists, ”JUNIOR is normal — an everyday employee like any other.”
”I have legal documents to prove it,” BillyLee likes to say. Old DNA test-results stuffed in a rusty file cabinet he’s kept in his basement for well-nigh twenty-five years prove that the 99.97% probability of paternity is far less than the 100% required for certainty.
”Billy LeeJUNIOR is not my son,” Billy Lee is always mumbling — often to no one in particular — while he nods alone late at night on his front-porch swing, neighbors claim.
Billy Lee continues to resist the Board’s demands that JUNIOR be fired; he seems to protect JUNIOR from the consequences of every incompetent and crazy thing he does; he even lets him sleep on a cot in his basement.
The Editorial Board categorically denies JUNIOR’S repeated requests for a pay raise. His demands are petty, insulting, stupid, silly, exorbitant, disruptive, offensive, frivolous, and foolish. JUNIOR has a choice; it’s time he made it: love our website or leave.
It’s that simple.
We are asking readers to ignore posts that might appear in the Pontificator between now and 15 July 2016, because it is likely JUNIOR will have typed them — slowly of course — he strikes the keys with one finger; he can’t type. He can’t spell his own name, for crying-out-loud.
We, the Editorial Board, intend to return from vacation to once-and-for-all end this dispute with Billy Lee’s favorite custodian and car-parker — JUNIOR; or as Billy Lee calls him: Billy Lee JUNIOR; usually followed by a little butt-tap and squeeze on the shoulder. Gag us with a spoon — seriously.
The mission of our website is to advocate for a progressive approach to the shaping of culture and social policy in America. We won’t allow a miscreant named JUNIOR, who happens to share some of his DNA with our founder, Billy Lee, to unravel our vision for the future.
The heart and soul of our favorite blog site, theBillyLeePontificator.com, is at stake, people. Nepotism between employees who share nothing except their first and last names and 99.97% of their DNA cannot be allowed to distract us from our noble work.
Listen up, JUNIOR: when we get back from our six-week vacation, YOU’RE FIRED!
The Billy Lee Pontificator Editorial Board
Lisen up, doods:
Ur late. I hirred a neu bord alredy. I emaled daddy. He dont like u neether. The nue bord calls me MR. JUNIUR.
